Madam Tasca to Dine Among Us

By April 19, 2019 January 7th, 2020 Infinite Scroll

Last midnight a spokeswoman for Madam Tasca announced that in two weeks the San Francisco icon will leave her lavish abode at the top two floors of the Millennium Tower for the first time in eight years.

According the statement, Madam Tasca will travel by chartered car to a yet-to-be determined restaurant, where she will dine alone but receive any visitors who dare to approach her table, and listen to their requests.

“Though she no longer walks within the city, Madam hears its wishes and yearning, and wishes to be generous,” said Eliana Forrester, Madam Tasca’s Chief of Staff.  “Although her schedule and lifestyle do not permit these visits often, I am assured that she is looking forward to it. She still thinks of the city as hers.”

The restaurant Madam Tasca will grace with her presence has not yet been named, although sources close to her staff speculate that it will be Alioto’s, a seafood restaurant on the piers that is longstanding San Francisco institution, and a favorite of Madam Tasca because the Alioto family has served her well for over 200 years.

While Forrester said there are no anticipated protocols that will be put in place for San Franciscans wishing to petition Madam Tasca, a 2009 SFist post, “10 do’s and don’ts you NEED to know if you see Madam Tasca!” had some popular tips, including:

  • DO Compliment her veil (unless she’s not wearing one, in which case compliment her eyes without looking in them)
  • DO offer her something from your childhood, or one of your own child’s favorite keepsakes.
  • DON’T name drop or try to impress her with who you know.
  • DON’T offer to buy her something.
  • DON’T wear any religion symbols, or make the sign of the cross

A wide cross-section of San Franciscans said they were happy to hear the news.

“My father saw Madam Tasca once,” said Jennifer Fowler, a lifelong resident of Bernal Heights.  “She gave him a purple handkerchief with seven words embroidered on it, and he recites them every month for an hour.  He’s limped ever since.”

“This is bigger than the Super Bowl and Game of Thrones put together!” said Nick Simmons, who has a popular Pinterest board devoted to Madam Tasca.  “If anybody sees her please, please, ask her to sing the funeral aria! We need a recording!”

But not everyone is so supportive.

“Madam Tasca represents NIMBYism, corruption, and inefficiency at its worst,” said Supervisor Mark Farrell, an outspoken critic.  “Even out of power, her influence actively works to keep San Francisco from taking its place as a truly innovative, forward thinking city in the 21st century. If she has to stay in the city, she should also stay in her tower.”

But mayor London Breed told reporters that if, in fact, Madam Tasca does descend and dine among us, she will issue a shadow proclamation marking the day.  “I’m hoping I can get her to come to a Giants game,” she added, to subdued laughter.

Local media is expected to will live tweet the night as it happens.